Holding back the years

Maybe it’s an age thing. Perhaps it’s the fact that my parents died within two months of each other. Maybe it's that my youngest turned 16. Or that my eldest is finding her way as her true self. Perhaps it’s the fact I managed to keep on keeping on even when I felt like crawling under the doona and staying there forever.

For probably all those reasons, and some, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2023 as we hurtle towards the end. I know I’m glad to see the back of it. And yet I am more conscious than ever of wishing away the years. We only have so many and even the worst can deliver unexpected delights. Here are some of my takeaways from an annus horribilis.

Moments are magical

I am sitting on the shore as my daughter splashes in the waves. There’s only a handful of other people spread across the sand despite the warm evening, the setting sun casting an ethereal light across the water. I am struck by how lucky I am. To be here, in this beautiful place, with someone I love. She is free from all the teenage angst as she dives into the ocean, her face beaming with pleasure as she surfaces. I remember to cherish this feeling, the almost indescribable sensation of seeing someone you love so happy. To make the most of these precious moments.

Comparision is the theft of joy

It’s an old adage, but like many it’s true. I know compared with many people I am fortunate. I only have to flick through the hellscape news cycle, with its stories of daily atrocities from near and far, if I need a reminder. But comparing myself with those who are worse off is just as pointless as casting envious eyes to those seemingly blessed with wealth, health and a sculptured stomach. There are so many things we can’t control. I need to focus on those that I can. Like getting myself into shape. Building my own business. Looking after my family. Nurturing my friendships. And doing what I can to be a good human.

A little kindness goes a long way

The world is full of awful people (see above). But it’s also full of wonderfully generous and kind souls. I have been the recipient of so much kindness this year. Friends who stepped up to help with my mother’s funeral. Clients who dropped by with food and flowers and a message to take as long as I needed. People I didn’t know that well reaching out when Dad died just two months later, asking if there was anything they could do. Kindness is a superpower. It might be cheesy but Glenn Campbell was so right: “If you try a little kindness/then you’ll overlook the blindness/of narrow-minded people on the narrow-minded streets.”

There are reasons to be grateful

I can focus on the sad and difficult things that have happened this year. And believe me I have done. And will no doubt continue to do when grief or worry strikes without warning, as both have a nasty habit of doing. But I am trying to remain grateful. I am grieving because I was fortunate to be loved by my parents. I am struggling with the ups and downs of parenting a teenager still recovering from the effects of relentless bullying and a young adult transitioning because I am fortunate to be a mother. I am juggling the demands of work with life because I am fortunate to have clients who value what I do. These are all reasons to be grateful. I just need to remind myself every now and then.

Time is not on my side

There’s nothing like losing both parents to make you aware of your own mortality. I did a bit of math the other day (not my strong point) and realised most of my life is behind me. It’s a sobering thought that I won’t dwell on too much because that would be stupid. But it is a reminder that I need to cherish the moments even more. That worry begets more worry. That life is for living as best you can. So eat that dessert. Read that book. Listen to music. Swim in the ocean. Take the trip you’ve always dreamed of. Hug your kids. Tell your friends how much they mean to you. Laugh. Love. Hope. And be kind.

See you 2023. I won’t miss you. But I'm grateful for another year on this planet with the people I love. I hope 2024 brings us all more moments of joy.